Saturday, September 14, 2002 :::
so ..for my birthday, it ws like fucking 9-11 hype had just overshadowed it. no one sent me e-cards, or real ones. i still havne't gotten ym gift from my aunt yet. fucking post office sent it back to themselfves. oh PS..this is the one by the airport...not oyu know, no easly accesable. i work 34 FEET from a post office, but NOOOO it goes to Hartsfield. dangit. this REM album rocks... i don't know thta i've ever listened to it all at one time. posting now..back in sec
::: posted by Grendy at 9/14/2002 11:36:00 PM
so... cat/bed/friday. all over the place right now. more about that. go to work, trishula (ne:cathy) tells me a bit abuout it. which, makes me worried a little. not actively paranoid, concerned. called brooks, got the v-mail.left message he never called me back. other then the 3-door cooler brekaing down AGAIN, and the repair guy tryin' to convert me to jesus for 2 hours, it was a good day. the repair guy, travis or some such... he gavem e his home #...and mentioned that his son was mentally retarded and has bacically a feeding tube. i asked :" did your child having all these afflictions, make you resent 'god' for how he came out?" - He said : no, that it had brought him closer to god... I then asked : " if that's the case, do you feel that your child was the sacrifice needed for you to feel this way, like issac and the lamb?" I DID explain that i wasn't trying to be a dick, just understand where his fiath comes from. he was cool about the quesiton, and i know it sounds horrid to say it that way... but that's how i said it. came home, umm napped. watched YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, which is a good film. solid...etc. finshed jimmy neutron, which has some skippy-parts where the dvd player couldn't read it , thtwas annoying. saw g-damn CAMERON again today. oh, he of the mixed signals. so Cameron sorta ( in my head) blows me off to go ot the museum for my birthday. then i see him the next day, at the store. he's nice and asked how my birthday went. i told him, honestly..sorta blah, etc. oh well. he got his groceries and left. tho trishula and pat were told he was in the store, i refused to ID him for them as Trishula is sorta protective of me (i am certain she's got a crush on me, but i don't follow it up, as 1: i dont' find her attractive, she's a bit too butch for me, and 2: she's like 48 or something--- she actually winked at me like thursday) anyway Trishula nad Pat would seit up in judgement of Cameron, and I am serioulsy not wanting that ot happen. Trishula said she'd go ask him why he broke my hear th e other day. !!! sheesh! that's too much. i wasn't heartbroken, jsut a bit sad. i wanted people to come flocking to me on tuesday and ho HEY HOLLY, WE LOVE YOU, LETS HANG OUT ..etc... i know it's sorta self-indulgent bullshit, but sincei dont generally indulge in that type of crap, i feel okay with it once in a while.
more in a sec.
::: posted by Grendy at 9/14/2002 11:25:00 PM
so it's saturday, and once again, am at home. had options for this evening., just didn't take any of them up. lame-o. coulda went to dad's for the shizo, but didn't feel like getting dressed, tank top and shorts is my fasion tonight. took at nap after work at Sev. that was nice, woek up 7-ish when marisa called me to see if i'd wnat ot go to zykka w/ her and jeff. normally i'd be all over that, but my meager recources (see: $35 in bank for ref) prclude me from doing that. I was invited to see Melita at the E.A.R.L tonight (east atl rest/ lounge) to perform w/ White Light, but i don't want to spend the $5-7 to get in. that's like one 5th of my cashflow. I feel bad too, as he called me to invite me, and i told anna that i'd probably come. but man, no hablo dinero right now. made pancakes while talking to Gordon in FLA. i'd made the batter last week before going to work last sunday, so here's hoping i didn't just fuck myself up wit hthat. there's egg in the mix, but it didn't smell bad. there was outgassing tho, as the top of the tupperware thingy was poofy, but again, no bad smell. here's hopin'. ...
still slightly depressed i think. nothing major..like sleeping 16 hours a day or anything, just a wierd general malaise. not sick, physically, feel okay. think am going to do the master clense program.get toxins outta my body. try to do 5 days, maybe more. get right onto taking those vitamins more etc. general healthyness. i mean, shite, look where i work.it's a health food store! listening to MONSTER by REM now, not heard it in a long-ass time. steve's out somewhere, and sat kirpal called him from San Fran,..where, BTW...he fucking WOKE ME UP at 7 am friday! he called at 4 am his time to talk to steve about those guys who were pulled over for possibly being terrorists. i didnt' wanna even turn on the tv, after i gave steve the phone, as what if it was true, and not just drunken rambling.didnt' want to see all of that stuff so early, after less then 5 hours' sleep. so instead i dsorta forced my self to lie there in the bed with Bitty on me, feigning sleep.
upload now, more in a sex.
sec
oops
::: posted by Grendy at 9/14/2002 11:08:00 PM
Wednesday, September 11, 2002 :::
so..came home last night, collapsed essentially. got really exhausted at work. marisa came and gave me a gift THE DARTH MALT AND OTHER GALACTIC GOODIES cookbook. tres' silly
gonna watch te movies i rented,. birthday was not fab. brooks called, talked to G$ and aunt mary. jacob took me to lunch...yummy vegan food. took a nap. woke up, showered etc...no wait, i showered early in the day. anyway, woke up. dressed, went to target to look at car stereo's. not have any there, went to best buy, priced them about $100. bought a dvd of SchoolhouseRocks! videos. supa dupa cool. went to sundown cafe for dinner. yummy. ate my fill, took leftover's home. rented 3 movies from video store. yay me. feel depressed a bit. not sure why. beau issues maybe.? cameron blew me off re: museum, so i ended up not going at all. maybe this wekend if i 'm not at der platz. ah well. off to watch movies. i am sure tomorrow will be a trying day for all of us. i hope i don't cry too much.
holly
::: posted by Grendy at 9/11/2002 12:06:00 AM
Monday, September 09, 2002 :::
whew! finally figgured out the blog-posting problems i'd had for last 30 min or so.
now it's a quarter to 1 and i have to wrok 8:30 am to 11:30 tomorrow with about an hour or so in between jobs. plan on trying to not be too tired. we'll see how far some yerba mate' in the morning can take me. more will be posted later, tomorrow hopefully. goign to get back into this regular posting thing again. also: hope to /get courage enough to call Cameron and ask if he'd go to the museum with me for my birthday tuesday. i've got the whole day off from both jobs. i don't just wanna sit home and go 'duh' all day.
wendy gave me the passowrd for her blog, so i triedto catch up with her life by reading, but i also really wanted to write bunch here. weill continue w/ jan '02 tomorrow i guess. provided i don't fall down as soon as i get home tomorrow, which is a real possibility. ok..enough BS... getting offline now.
email me at grendix@yahoo.com if'n you wanna say something to me.
~Holly
::: posted by Grendy at 9/09/2002 12:47:00 AM
so... (side note: i think it was mark meer, or maybe kevin from edmonton, ...no wait.. it was John Gregorio who said ' it looks like you got the theater in the dovorce") ... anyway... tournement was a great deal of fun. afterwords, we went to the masquerade, as dj rene' was spinni' there. also lots of fun. tommy futch came on the dance floor in his wheelchair (as, i supposed, opposed to NOT in the chair) and danced with us. it was lots of fun. i've got a pic of me kissing him duing 'kiss them for me' by siouxie sioux... we went back to the theater for story time, and i was there til 6 am. i wanted to tell some story aobut my life, but again, didn't get up. i don't know why. i think i was gonna mention something abotu beau or something, but didn't. they were all drunk, and lauging, andi think it would have brought them down.
beau... been having wierd dreams about him lately.... the other day, i am 1/2 asleep and i think i , or someone there said "BEAU!" like how you yell "MIKE! get the damn phone" or some such, to really get someone's attention. and last night, maybe this morning, whichever, i thought i herd the phone ringing..oh that's it, it was like 10 am or so. i thought it was ringing, and i thought,
"who's calling me now? ...oh , it's 7 am in california, i guess it's beau...wait..where'd he get a phone...no, wait..he's DEAD, he can't call'"
it made me sad.. to know it once agin. he's dead. not here in the physical plane any longer. fuuuuck! i was sad, lying in bed, with bitty my cat laying atop me, just fucking makes me want to cry right now matter of fact. i layed in bed and wanted to cry. Hipo's on the keyboard now, sleeping. so i am trying not to hit keys where his ears are. sometimes i think stupid things, like .. today, somehow, with all the september 11 hype going on... 'man, i am glad beau didn't see this, he'd have caleld me, all crying and upset, andwanting a hug' and i wouldn't be able to hug him. i'd have to farm it out to james. but also... i wish i could have seen fellowship of the ring with him. i am certain he'd have cried with me when boromir died. or softly whispered with me 'RUN' when i first saw the balrog.
deep breath here. i wanted to show brooks the video that berry franko sent me of beau. it's 10 minues long, and cool as hell. set to some neil young music, and showing beau at his goofiest, serious, teaching the kids self. it is wonderful. -gonna post this, then resume.-
::: posted by Grendy at 9/09/2002 12:36:00 AM
Sunday, September 08, 2002 :::
somebody wake up cronkite.
dammit. I wanted him there, last year, telling me all would be okay. cosmically okay. I remember watching those mighty buildlings get hit, and watched them tumble to the ground, tears just sitting in my eyes, hardly albe to look at anyone, for fear of just crying again, and agin, not able to stop. i am watching this stupid hollywood-type show, it's all about how the industry had changed or not changed due to the fall of the towers last year.
so... now it's 11:17 pm sunday the 8th. i worked about 8 hours today at Der Platz ( the lefont plaza theater, for those not in the know).. alex was managing, and he's so laid back, it becomes easy and not stressfull, even when we've got a zillion people there. had a good convo w/ ansley (manager) tuesday, and i think it's taken her this long to go 'oh, hey, holly's not an idiot, or 5, so i can't talk to her that way anymore' .... ahhh.
so this sepember 11 thing. i went to the publix and boughtthe new issue of WIRED (www.wired.com) and some generic photo-memoriblia about the awful day. i went looking for the new issue of TIME magazine. despite being part of the disgusting time/warner/aol/whogivesafuck .com people, i trust TIME. you know, you grew up on it it's IMPORTANT. like cronkite! see... it all goes back to uncle walter. i have been taking recuse remedy at night lately,... this whole anniversary thing's got me stressed, to re-watch some of that footage. i don't want to be crying everyday for the next week.
::: posted by Grendy at 9/08/2002 11:59:00 PM
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