Friday, October 12, 2001 :::
work today was good... Sevananda is a pretty damn cool place to work, i laugh all the time. made the cravatt for Marc to wear in the show, made some cards, talked to Tom (the new guy ) a bit ... i want him to teach me chinese... but am not sure if/when he'sd do it.
i know it's a hard language to learn, but it's soo cool.
went to the theater after rehersal, and asked suzie if i coule work the show for her, the 10:30 show, so i could make $20. i did it , but am really tired now.. might have a chance to update tomorrow, but am going to bed now...
talk later.
ME
::: posted by Grendy at 10/12/2001 01:25:00 AM
talking to chris today was good..sorta.. if i have to goto FLA to deal w/ the repo on my mom's house he said he might go with me.
that would be cool. i think it would be great fun. stay ay mike's or my aunt's house ... have him meet Aunt Mary and Grandma...
must must must buy her some candied ginger... mail it tomorrow..with that those dang postcards i've not mailed yet.
themis got hit by a damn SUV last night.. on her bike and she got sited! i can't belive that. ouchie.. stomach's still upset... gonna go now.. more later
::: posted by Grendy at 10/12/2001 01:18:00 AM
Thursday, October 11, 2001 :::
talking to chris today was good..sorta.. if i have to goto FLA to deal w/ the repo on my mom's house he said he might go with me.
that would be cool. i think it would be great fun. stay ay mike's or my aunt's house ... have him meet Aunt MAry and Grandma...
must must must buy her some candied ginger... mail it tomorrow..with that those dang postcards i've not mailed yet.
themis got hit by a damn SUV last night.. on her bike and she got sited! i can't belive that. ouchie.. stomachs still upset... gonna go now.. more later
::: posted by Grendy at 10/11/2001 01:06:00 AM
talking to chris today was good..sorta.. if i have to goto FLA to deal w/ the repo on my mom's house he said he might go with me.
that would be cool. i think it would be great fun. stay ay mike's or my aunt's house ... have him meet Aunt MAry and Grandma...
must must must buy her some candied ginger... mail it tomorrow..with that those dang postcards i've not mailed yet.
themis got hit by a damn SUV last night.. on her bike and she got sited! i can't belive that. ouchie.. stomachs still upset... gonna go now.. more later
::: posted by Grendy at 10/11/2001 12:43:00 AM
so dammit..thanks to my explorer probs i had to reboot before posting this
grrr... ah well.. today at work was aoky... i didn't want to call someone a friggin' cunt on the phone...so that's a good sign. i don't oftern feel like that, but that woman yesterday just pissed me off...she damn near 'you people'd me ... i hate that.
after work, ran some contracts, went to the cloth store that seems to have been absorbed by friggin' Party City now and isn't there at all, which not only makes me sad, it is annoying. so i went to th e dollar tree dollar store and lost my damn mind, i bought like 30 worth of stuff there, but most of it was for home..okay.. the lipstick wasn't for home, but still. i got christie some fun stuff and will have to mail it tomorrow, as her birthday's on sunday.
so tonight... i was totally rocking out to Jane's Addiction... Jane Says was on and i turned the radio way up and jsut sang my silly little heart out driving back from the dollar store.
nice to see the braves win again against houston... up by 2 games. yay us/them.
made the cravatt for the show tonight..hope it came out okay. watched soem lame ass crap on leno... stupid ass jokes about the bombings.. i can't belive it..okat i can. i just don't want to.
tummy's been bothering me lately.. since i ate that bagle this morning.. i wonder if i am still sick...tummy wise from the food poisioning i had last week.
::: posted by Grendy at 10/11/2001 12:29:00 AM
Wednesday, October 10, 2001 :::
it's tuesday... had play rehersal tonight for FAREWELL THE FAIR COUNTRY... it opens sunday at THEATRE GAEL in atlanta. it's about he Irish Potato Famine. it's sad, but also uplifting at the end. but that's only after killing off 90 % of the cast.
yay Irish.
i have to do some costume and props by thursday.. so i gotta get them done tomorrow night
i just didn't feel like it tonight.
it seems the city is still trying to forclose on my mom's house. we're having trouble with the laywer who's doing the probate on Beau's estate, to make me his personal rep. what a pain in the ass. i don't want a forclosure on my credit.
i called james the other night... it was so damn good to talk to My cousin Culo... he's so damn great. we talked about how we both missed Beau and how hard the holidays are gonna be.
those in the know: Beau was shot and killed by the LAPD in june. he was my brother... he was 28 and a kindergarten teacher, and hip-hop mc in Los Angeles.
i am hungery...tho i had more craptastic taco bell...damn you fast food and rehersal schedule!
it's 1:41 am not and i've got to be up in like 7 hours or so...
i need to put more info in here.
work toda : nearly called a woman onthe phone a fucking cunt...so maybe she was a little over the line, but i am glad i didn't say that to her...that's not cool.
chris was sad and moody today, and emily made me shitty cocoa... i think she meant to make it not shitty... but it wasn't good.
anyway... i can't fix them, and i can't not feel like i want to help.
arrghhh
well i am off tonight.
more tomorrow.
ME
::: posted by Grendy at 10/10/2001 01:46:00 AM
Monday, October 08, 2001 :::
so... enough rambling poetry for the evening...
went to work today, just to pick up some juice and snaky-cake type vittles
talked to jacob, he's working my info desk on sundays... he's nice... young and cute
and finally, confirmed that he's gay
my gadar was all wonky around him, tho i think it might have been kamron confusing it when ever i am near him too
i like jacob. he's swell. went from there to taco bell for some crap food, as that 's the kind they have there.
then on to rehersal for FAREWELL THE FAIR COUNTRY ... the show i am stage managing ...tho to be honest, it's a cake job, i'll be getting $200 for it
WAIT!!!
i just realized!!! i can afford to go to BNAT now! hot damn!
well that is, if i can book a damn flight... looks like it's Atlanta to NORTH CAROLINA to Houston to Austin.. curse you bin laden!
anyway..went to play rehersal... wherein i am now becoming the seamstress as well as the sm
fixed two skirts and found other prop/cosutme stuff to be used. i think the show's going well..but Cram needs to learn his lines...
ahh well.he always does, just in time.
talked in aicn room for entirely too long tonight, as happens most times i am there. well it's the benefit of knowing some people there for a year and a half.
the boys, and often i forget how young they are, are all full of piss and vinigar about this bombing the US is doing.
i feel if you're gonna go after terrorists, go after the g-d IRA...the PLO and any other three letter bastards out there who are
using force to get thier way.
wait...that makes us using force to get our way
oops
i am glad i got my period this month (per usual) but it's still a pain in the you know... i mean.... food poisioning, starting my divoce paperwork and my period on the same DAY?!? i swear... t.a.n.g.... (there ain't no justice)
ah well..just as well i got my period... i don't wanna sweat having to deal with the guy i was with las month for something like if i'd missed it or sometihng...that would be, in a word, BAD.
not that he's bad, just that i am not ready or willing at this point to bring a kid into this place. hell, i've got enough issues with my own issues.
okay.,,, more later... maybe.. but not tonight
::: posted by Grendy at 10/08/2001 01:01:00 AM
Sunday, October 07, 2001 :::
BONES OF A THOUGHT
(c) 1991
The House of Cards collapsed
and I was hit with a falling heart of clubs
and battered into sanity
In the razor slowness
of sublime, divine entreaty
I push it away
and am bashed in the face
as the white lights and slaughtered nights
snatch me
and i am
none
Twisted mystery
and enlightened haunts
make me a favored spectre
on the grassy knoll
They took my pride
and it happens yesterday
and before and
soon
My grapes are bruised,
and my hope,
purple and slimy,
and oh!
so very useless
Burning Melting Waxing Faxing
news of my destruction
comes onto you like a used lover,
and, aren't they all?
I am emancipated YES!
ringing clear as mud
in the ears of the dead
The NO's of finality
flock 'round me
as I race before the wind
to the throes of yesternow
and I laugh
The padding hurts my eyes
Clawing the sticky sweetness
from the space
that is my face
I see reflecting dejecting
bones of a thought,
an idea whose time had come
in frenzied slowness and rusted fever
The wheel got not the grease
but the wrench
in twisty breathy lungs
whistling out, and out again
so it will hurt some more
To feel is too real
the clubs leave marks
and the hearts leave scars
I've run out of the house
and a sharp card of decision
slices me quick
and I'm free
to fall
again.
7/12/91
HB
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 11:52:00 PM
this was written by my younger brother Beau, my great friend Chrisite and me, at a Wag's restaruant on 1990.
spinning momentum,
coupled with dead stop
leaves falling forever in silence
stabbing through the air as they decend
when i saw them drift to the very bottom.
lying under a moving mirror,
I smiled and it was eternal
until the imgae implodes,
lovingly filling my mind with feathers
and I float upwards, filling the sky
the black spear pierces
with a quickness born of fear
and I am over.
Holly, Beau and Christie
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 11:38:00 PM
broken like birdfeathers
we lie strewn across the field
asleep in dreams
12/9/90
HB
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 11:32:00 PM
My Friends
my happiness wxplodes
in tiny sparkles of light
as glittery particles of ME
drift outward in not-really patters
and are drawn to you
latching on with hooks of forever
because you are you
and i am me
and we are one when the time is right
i can love you and understand
and show no fear
all of our pettiness and problems
are swept aside
with the gentle grasping of hands,
we stand and await tomorrow
11/1/90
HB
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 11:27:00 PM
here's some poetry from a while ago...
my own martyrdom shrieks
at me in technicolor vomit
spewn out in
remorsful fits of despair
and as i lay heaving on the floor
i laughed at my own stupidity
and wanted yet again
to be the person i once was
mortis is my lover
and we kiss, passionatley,
blood-flecked spittle
smearing my face
when i push him away in one last attempt
to redeam myself.
12/7/90
HB
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 11:23:00 PM
these are all cool places to go
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 02:28:00 AM
so i just got home from dinner w/ andy and ness and matt and ac... was good, even if it was ham. ugh. watched drop dead goirgeous on dvd, which was good and silly. i feel sometimes like a 5th wheel with those guys, even when it's jsut me and andy and nessa i've been by myself for a year now, give or take. sometimes i stick my head in the sand, i don't know how to show someone how much i care for them or want to take those risks necessary to show someone that i like them in that manner. i need to step up to the plate to get my mom's house sold, so that it won't come back and bite me and brooks on the ass. if he moves here to atlanta, will i feel restricted on my movments and actions?
fuck
i miss beau. i miss him terribly sometimes. i heard a song tonight, by james kolchoka superstar, called don't trust whitey and it made me smile and wish he could hear it. i jsut got a shiver and just want more hte nanything right now, to see him and hug him and tell him i always belived in him and that i never gave up on him.
my brother's dead. chris said he sometimes dosen't get how i can just get up every day and go to work and function and laugh, becasue of what's happened to me. or in my life, as i guess i don't view it as happing to me.
i worry about brooks, who keeps so much of himself inside.
i fear it will give him ulcers. i think in parts it would be cool to live w/ him, neato stuff aside, but just to be there for each other etc...
i dont' know. i want to get my two new tattoo's ... memories of beau and my mom, but of course, right now, don't have the $$ necessary.
i am not sure who i am writing this for, but just for me right now i guess.
i wanna sleep w/ someone other then my two cats and cold blankets i want to feel loved, or hell, at least liked enough to snuggle with and hold hand and do 'movie' kisses at midnight with.
will post copies of my poems here, to get them out of just the journals and out 'there' somewhere, if anyone ever reads them.
::: posted by Grendy at 10/07/2001 02:03:00 AM
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